Smooth Criminal Recipe

Water preparation

Start with 6.5 gallons (24.6 L) of good brewing water. If your water contains chloramine or high chlorine, add half a Campden tablet per 5 gallons to remove it. Adjust mineral profile with gypsum or calcium chloride to taste: for a smooth stout a modest addition of calcium chloride (1-2 g) will enhance mouthfeel.

Mash

Heat 3.5 gallons (13.2 L) of strike water to 165°F (74°C). Mash in the crushed pale malt, flaked barley, oats, crystal, and specialty dark malts to reach a mash temperature of 152°F (67°C). Hold mash for 60 minutes, stirring gently and checking temperature; maintain +/- 2°F. Perform a mash-out by raising to 168°F (76°C) for 10 minutes.

Sparge and pre-boil volume

Sparge with about 3 gallons (11.4 L) of 170°F (77°C) water until you collect ~6.5 gallons (24.6 L) of wort in the kettle. Adjust collected volume to account for boil-off so you end with roughly 5.25 gallons in fermenter after chilling.

Boil and hop additions

Bring wort to a vigorous boil. Add 1.0 oz Cascade hops at the start of the 60-minute boil for bittering. With 15 minutes left in the boil add 1 tsp Irish moss (or whirlfloc) to help clarify. At 5 minutes remaining add 0.5 oz East Kent Goldings (or Fuggle) for aroma. Total boil time: 60 minutes.

Chill and transfer

At the end of the boil, chill the wort quickly to 65-68°F (18-20°C) using an immersion, counterflow, or plate chiller. Transfer the chilled wort to a sanitized fermenter, leaving behind trub and hop debris. Top up with sterile water to reach 5.0 gallons (19 L) if needed.

Aeration and pitching yeast

Aerate the wort thoroughly (oxygenate by shaking, splashing, or pure oxygen to recommended levels). Rehydrate or prepare the yeast per manufacturer instructions and pitch one packet of Irish ale yeast at 65-68°F (18-20°C).

Primary fermentation

Ferment at 65-68°F (18-20°C) for 5-7 days until activity slows, then allow to rest at the same temperature for a total of 10-14 days. Gravity should approach the expected final gravity (approx. 1.012-1.016 depending on mash efficiency).

Optional secondary / conditioning

For extra clarity and smoothness, rack to a secondary fermenter after 7-10 days and condition for another 1-2 weeks at 50-55°F (10-13°C). This helps mellow roast bite and round mouthfeel.

Packaging - kegging

If kegging: cold crash the beer to 35-40°F (2-4°C) for 24-48 hours to drop yeast and solids. Transfer to a sanitized keg, purge with CO2, and carbonate to ~12-14 psi at 38°F (3°C) or force carbonate to desired volume (~1.8-2.2 volumes CO2 for a smooth stout on draft).

Packaging - bottling

If bottling: dissolve 4 oz (115 g) priming sugar in 8 oz (240 ml) boiling water, cool, and mix into the beer uniformly. Bottle in sanitized bottles and cap. Condition at room temperature for 2 weeks, then cold store for additional maturation.

Carbonation and serving

Allow carbonated beer to condition for at least 1 week (keg) or 2-3 weeks (bottle) before serving. Serve on draft at 42-48°F (6-9°C) with moderate carbonation for a smooth, creamy mouthfeel. Use clean lines and glassware.

Tasting notes and adjustments

SMOOTH CRIMINAL should present as a dark, opaque stout with roasted espresso and chocolate notes, a creamy midpalate from oats and flaked barley, low-medium hop bitterness and a smooth finish. If roast is too sharp, reduce roasted barley/patent or increase flaked barley/oats next batch. For more sweetness increase crystal malt slightly.

Ensure the keg and draft lines are sanitized and clean before tapping. Chill the keg to serving temperature (42-48°F / 6-9°C). Connect CO2 and set pressure to achieve 1.8-2.2 volumes CO2 (approximately 12-14 psi at 38°F as a baseline) for a smooth stout. Allow 24-48 hours for pressure equilibration and dispense a small pour to check carbonation, adjusting pressure as necessary.

When pouring, tilt glass at 45° and begin pour, straightening at the end to form a 1⁄2–1 inch creamy head. Keep draft lines short (under 6 feet if possible) and at the correct PSI to minimize foaming and preserve smooth mouthfeel.