Remove tough stems from the kale. Stack the leaves, roll tightly, and slice crosswise into thin ribbons (about 1/4-inch). Thinly shred the red cabbage and either julienne or grate the carrot. Place the kale, cabbage, carrot, and sliced green onion in a large mixing bowl.

Massage the kale

Sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon of the salt over the shredded kale. Using clean hands, lightly massage the kale for 2–3 minutes until it softens and darkens—this reduces bitterness and makes it easier to chew.

Sesame Ginger Dressing

In a medium bowl or jar, combine the toasted sesame oil, neutral oil, grated ginger, minced garlic, soy sauce (or tamari), rice vinegar, lime juice, honey (or maple syrup), and tahini (or peanut butter). Whisk or shake vigorously until the tahini is fully incorporated and the dressing is smooth.

Taste the dressing and adjust: add up to 1–2 tablespoons water to thin if too thick; increase lime or rice vinegar for more acidity; add more honey/maple for sweetness; add red pepper flakes for heat. Season with remaining salt (adjust total to taste) and freshly ground black pepper.

Assemble

Pour about two-thirds of the dressing over the massaged kale, cabbage, and carrot. Toss thoroughly with tongs or salad servers until ingredients are evenly coated. Let the slaw sit 10–15 minutes to allow flavors to meld and the cabbage to soften slightly. Taste and add more dressing if desired.

Fold in the chopped cilantro (if using) and most of the toasted sesame seeds. Reserve a small pinch of sesame seeds and chopped nuts for garnish.

Transfer the slaw to a serving bowl or platter. Sprinkle the remaining sesame seeds and the chopped peanuts/cashews on top. Serve immediately or refrigerate up to 4 hours; if chilling, toss again briefly before serving and add any reserved garnish.