Drain the hearts of palm well and pat dry with paper towels. Using a fork or your hands, shred the hearts of palm into bite-sized, flaky pieces that mimic crab texture (about 2 cups shredded). Place in a medium mixing bowl.

Prepare tofu base

Press the firm tofu for at least 15 minutes to remove excess water (use a tofu press or wrap in kitchen towel and weigh). Crumble the pressed tofu with your fingers or a fork until it resembles small flakes. Add to the bowl with the shredded hearts of palm.

Add seasoning and binders

To the bowl, add vegan mayonnaise (1/2 cup), Dijon mustard (1 tbs), lemon juice (2 tbs), crumbled nori (finely crumble 2 sheets) to impart a briny, 'sea' flavor, Old Bay (1.5 tsp), smoked paprika (1/2 tsp), granulated garlic (1/2 tsp), dried dill (1/2 tsp), salt (1/2 tsp) and black pepper (1/4 tsp).

Fold in vegetables and finish

Stir in the finely chopped celery (1/2 cup), chopped green onion (1/4 cup), and chopped fresh parsley (2 tbs). Taste and adjust seasoning — add more lemon if you want brighter acidity, more Old Bay for pronounced 'seafood' spice, or a splash of olive oil (1 tsp) for extra richness. If dip seems too thick, thin with up to 1 tablespoon of water or additional lemon juice.

Chill and meld flavors

Cover and refrigerate the dip for at least 30 minutes (ideally 1–2 hours) to let flavors meld and the texture firm up. Before serving, stir and taste, adjusting salt, pepper, or lemon as needed.

Chips & Garnish

Place 6 oz tortilla or pita chips in a serving bowl or on a platter. If using pita bread, warm lightly in a 350°F/175°C oven for 5 minutes and cut into wedges.

Spoon the not-crab dip into a serving bowl. Garnish with extra chopped parsley (1 tbs), a light sprinkle of smoked paprika (1/4 tsp) and arrange lemon wedges on the side.

Serve chilled or at cool-room temperature with chips. Recommend leftover storage: refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 3–4 days; stir before serving.